Rain On Her Parade
by zeezee92
Summary: My first OUAT fanfic so I'm writing about Regina & Robin's relationship. Their relationship post season 3 finale. Both of their struggles with coping to the sudden change with Marian back in their lives & coming to terms with the changes in their lives. Enjoy ...
1. Chapter 1

Rain on Her Parade (1)

So I'm back where I started again, without hope, without happiness and the worst thing is that I'm without Robin. Now that Swan brought his wife back from the past, well even I can't compete with his first love. I leave the diner after a heated conversation, Henry chasing after me. _"No Henry, I'll be fine, I promise."_

He ignores me, follows me, catching up to me and pulling my arm, reminding my of when he was a little boy, he used to pull me whenever he was scared, cling to me when he needed to feel my presence to keep calm. _Those days have gone, he prefers Emma's solace now._ _"Mom, please!"_ Finally, the pulling gets to me and I stop. I can hear him sigh in relief as I turn round to face him.

Tears streaming down my cheeks, I let him see me for what this situation has made of me. I bring him towards me, his cheeks in my palms and kiss his cheeks, then his forehead before whispering a subtle _"I'm sorry,"_ bringing my arms up over my head and disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke.

…

"_She's gone,"_ I hear Henry say as he comes up towards the diner to meet with the rest of us. Hook was right, there's no use going after Regina when she's in that frame of mind. If Henry can't get through to her, I doubt I could, even if I were to take Roland.

"_What do you mean she's gone?!"_ Snow asks, _"you don't think she'd leave Storybrooke do you?"_ Emma forcefully shook her head. _"Never, she wouldn't do anything to without telling Henry." _She looked over to him, _"She wouldn't go anywhere without you kid,"_ she states after seeing the worried look of Henry's face.

"_Dammit! This is all my fault!"_ They all turn to me, _"I should've gone after her myself."_ Marian looks at me with so much anger on her face, like death would come to anyone who looked at her. _"Well I'm glad you didn't,"_ Marian stated. _"She could've taken all her rage out at you,"_ she spitted out venomously. _"She would never put me in danger," _I look her in the face and point out clearly, _"she would never do anything to cause Roland pain!"_

"_Robin, it's not your fault,"_ Emma reminded me that she was still there, actually reminded me that her family were all still there witnessing the awkward moments between myself and my wife. _My wife, doesn't that sound strange after 30 odd years._ _"She just needs time Robin."_

Emma got one thing right, this isn't my fault, it's hers. If she hadn't gone back to the past, if she just left things as they were. _I can't believe I thought that, I should be glad Emma saved Marian._

"_It's not Robin's fault, it's yours,"_ Henry shouted, tears starting to run done his face. _"You just had to mess things up for her." "Kid, I didn't mean to.."_ Emma was interrupted with Henry's voice once more. _"But you did, and now she's alone because she doesn't wanna see me! You didn't see her, she was so hurt, you ruin everything!"_

Suddenly there was an awkward silence that was filled with a quiet voice, _"Gina's hurt?"_ I turned to face Roland as he looked up Henry. _"Errr," _no one knowing what to tell my boy._ "Yes, she is a little."_ Snow answered. He looked more upset than confused. _"Will she die? Is Gina going to leave me?"_ I crouch down to him, holding his small hands in mine. _"No that won't happen to Gina, she's sad Roland."_ It takes a while, but finally he understands. _"Why's Gina sad?"_ Now is the best time as any to leave with Roland and Marian. And from the disgruntled look on Marian's face she certainly thinks so. _"It's time to go, it's getting late."_ I pick Roland up and hold him in my arms as he says, _"What 'bout Gina?"_ _Not now my boy, I don't need your mother upset as well._ Marian mumbles under her breath, _"what about her?"_ Thankfully, only I could hear her, I leave it be and leave with them as quickly as I could.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"_She was becoming herself and daily casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment with which to appear before the world." – Kate Chopin, The Awakening._

….…..

I left Henry in the street, as much as I feel guilty for doing that, I had to get away from them, and their prying eyes. I can't believe this happened. It's happening again, my happy ending is being stolen from me. _That family really can't help themselves!_

I appear inside the foyer of my home, _some home,_ and place a protection spell around the mansion. Nobody will be able to get 20 feet near this place without being thrown off of their feet.

I head towards my drinks cabinet and take out a bottle of whisky and forget about the glass. After screwing the bottle open, I chuck the lid and hear a little noise where it landed, but didn't bother to pick it up. Bringing the bottle to my lips, I chug down the whisky, feeling the golden liquid burning my throat. The feeling rushes in my body, the heat flooding through every pore. _This is weirdly refreshing, I need more. _Downing more liquor, I move to the living room and pick up the remote for the TV. Turning it on, the first thing I see is Casablanca, the universe is mocking me. _"Ah the irony,"_ I mutter to myself. By the time the film ended, I've gotten through half the bottle. After attempting to get up, I walk to the kitchen after realizing that I've not eaten anything since this morning. Attempting to eat the leftovers from last night's date with Robin, I become nauseous and I rush to the restroom in the foyer and empty my stomach's worth into the toilet. Feeling light-headed, noises rushing around in my head, the last thing I remember is flushing the toilet before passing out, hitting my head against the rim of the toilet seat on the way.

…

I take Marian and Roland back to the camp, to say the Merrymen were surprised to see her alive is an understatement, but I noticed confusion crossing some of they're faces. Little John comes up to me, confusion written all over his face, _"She's back."_ I nod slowly, there really are no words to describe my feelings at present. He looks to me and questions, _"What about Regina?"_ I turn my head towards him, nothing needed to be said, he understood more than any of my men how much I love Regina. _"Robin,"_ he sighed. _"I don't think I need to tell you this and I wouldn't be you're friend if I didn't, but you have a decision to make."_ Once more I nod my head, he pats his hand on my back and shoulder, offering his support. _"Make sure Marian is settled in my tent John and make sure Roland gets to sleep,"_ he starts to walk away, _"I'll be sleeping in Roland's tent,"_ I walked away from the camp, heading into town. Enough was said and I didn't have to explain myself to John.

I head to Regina's mansion, as I walk up to the door I feel a barrier and a pressure that pushes me backwards. I'm thrown into the air and land on a bench further down the road. _"Jesus!"_ I groan. I reach to my pocket and take out this new contraption, I press a few buttons and finally see Regina's name. It makes a ringing sound but there is no answer. From what Emma has told me, Regina is never far from her phone and she always picks up. I guess being the mayor means you can't ignore phone calls when you feel like it, even when someone's pissed you off.

I dial over and over again, and she still doesn't answer. I wait a while, from the time shown on the phone, I have been waiting for four hours at the least. _"For G-d sake answer your phone!"_ I wait another half an hour, but my patience is running thin and I begin to worry, a gut feeling tells me she's not ignoring me, something's happened to her. This time I ring Emma, she arrives at the mansion within 10 minutes of the call and Henry's at her side.

"_Were you able to get through to her?"_ I ask them both, both of them shaking their heads in reply.

"_I rang first and she didn't answer, but I didn't think she would,"_ Emma states, and rightly so, Regina ignoring Emma was a given. _"But when she didn't answer Henry's call I knew something was wrong."_ Something is definitely wrong, she never ignores Henry, it doesn't matter what time of day, or where she is, she never ignores him.

Henry walks up to his home, _"Be careful, there's some kind of barrier around the house,"_ he looks at me and replies, _"I'm her son, she wouldn't do that to me."_ As soon as he touched the gate, he was pushed back forcefully into me. Luckily for him, he wasn't thrown. _"You got off easy, I was thrown into the air."_

"_You okay kid?"_ Emma asks. He shakes his head and asks, _"Can you bring the barrier down?" _With a surprised look on her face she shrugs, _"I can give it a go."_ She places the palms of her hands in front of her, squints her eyes slightly. Concentrating on lowering the barrier. Nothing's working. _"She must have put up the barrier with blood magic kid._"

Henry looks defeated, worry set onto his face, he runs to his home, near enough so that Regina could hear him, but far enough not to get thrown. _"Mom!"_ he screams, _"Mom open the door!" _He goes on for what seems like a while with_ "Mom put the barrier down!" _or_ "Mom it's me" _and_ "Mom come out!" _He stops, his voice hoarse after the constant shouting of getting his mother's attention.

"_Kid, I don't think she can hear you, we need Gold."_ Emma makes the call. I'll agree with anything to get this barrier down and to make sure my love is safe.

Belle and Rumple finally arrive, and he assesses the barrier. He touches it and gets pushed, though not as forcefully as Henry or myself. _"The spell must be weakening if the barrier isn't as strong as it was before,"_ he speaks with concern crossing his face.

"_If the barrier has weakened, then Regina's injured, we need to get in."_ After a lot of effort, Rumple is drained and the barrier is down. Henry rushes to open the door, and we all enter the mansion. As we enter the living room, we find the TV on, a bottle of whiskey with most of its contents gone and a whole lot of mess. Belle and Emma head to the restroom, _"In here!"_ We rush to the restroom and find Regina unconscious on the floor and blood on her forehead. _"Mom! Mom wake up!"_ Henry gasps out load, kneels down next to Regina and starts shaking her body, trying to rouse her.

"_Hi, I need an ambulance now at the Mayor's house,"_ Emma puts down the phone as soon as she's done with the 911 call.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_A quick message to those reading this fic. Sorry it's been so late posing this chapter since the last. I've had exams so, I'll write as often as I can but I get really busy sometimes as I'm in my final year at uni and sorry if the chapters are a on the short side :)_

"_The very essence of romance is uncertainty." – Oscar Wilde_

…..

I let Henry go with Regina in the ambulance after his outburst of "She's my mom, let me go!" I follow and drive Robin and Mary-Margaret to the hospital. What the hell was she thinking! I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind when she wakes up! She knows how to worry everyone that's for sure. I don't want to go to the hospital, more importantly, I don't think I'll be welcome after everything that's just happened, but I've got to support Henry, I'm not leaving him on his own.

Whale wouldn't tell us much about Regina's state after his assessment. A brief "she obviously hit her head and she'll most likely have concussion, but considering we don't know how long she's been out, we wont know how much damage there will be." By this point we've all grouped in the waiting area and hoping she'll wake soon.

My mother being who she is walks towards Whale, "couldn't you just let us know her results?" he shook his head forcefully. "No way," he reasoned. "I can't, patient confidentiality and more to the point, she would kill me if I did."

A scream came out of nowhere, I looked to Regina's room and found Henry trying to calm her down. Whale went rushing into the room and I followed. Confusion was set on Henry's face. I looked at Regina and realized she wasn't awake, "how is she doing that?" Her body was convulsing, like she was being electrocuted. Whale rushed one the nurses, finally administering the sedative through the IV. "We've given her a sedative, hopefully she won't fit, but I guess we'll find out." Regina calmed down from the seizure, sighs of relief heard by everyone in the room, and a hushed whisper of "thank god."

Turning round, I completely forgot Robin had been with Henry the entire time. I saw Robin holding Henry against him, his attempts at stopping Henry intervening with Whale's treatment. Noticing the time I told him to get back to his camp. "I can't leave her, not like this," he pulled a chair next to Regina bed and sat down refusing to leave. "Robin, you have to think about Roland and err… and Marian," he stared into space, his mind was racing like he'd only just realized that he'd forgotten about the family that was waiting for him. "You're right," he stands and gets his things together. "It wouldn't look good to Marian," he murmured, turning to Regina and kissing her softly on her forehead, then on her lips. It was like he was taking in every bit of her before he left her. Witnessing such an intimate moment, I felt like an intruder, luckily for me Robin left straight after that, but not without demanding to be kept updated about her condition.

…...….

Walking back to the camp from the hospital, I realized that my feelings for Gina weren't going away anytime soon. This whole situation was a mess and there's currently nothing that can be done. But how do you choose. How can anybody choose between their first love and their soul mate? Denial is getting the better of me, completely ignoring the situation, my main concerns now are Regina's health and Roland and Marian bonding.

Sure he knows that Marian is his mother, but for over a year it's Regina whose been the mother figure in his life. Ever since she saved him from that blasted flying monkey! He goes to her for comfort, when he's been naughty and knows that she can help him get away with it.

I get back to camp and Will and Little John come out of their tents, greeting me with, "Where have you been?" and "You've been gone for hours!" I look at them dumbstruck, knowing what had recently happened, knowing, that just like the rest of this town, they wont hear wont happened to Regina till the morning. A simple "Sorry," escaped my lips, followed by, "did Roland get to sleep properly?" Both shook their heads, telling me that Roland had kicked up a fuss, constantly asking for me and Regina when Marian tried to put him to bed, but had finally fallen asleep. I enter Roland's tent, seeing some of my belongings in there, I change a slip behind Roland and under the covers, and I close my eyes and wait for sleep to take over.

…...….

I get woken up by a noise in the background, I rouse myself a little more to find that it's my son crying, he's ready for his next feed and change. He definitely takes after his father, his appetite really never ceases to amaze me. I'm finally out of bed, baby Neal in my arms and head to the kitchen. The time on the oven showing its 9.30am, I should have been up a while ago with Neal, David must have done the early morning feed.

I head up into the attic, neither Emma or Henry are here, their beds are made. They've already left for the hospital or they've been there all night. Knowing Henry, he's been with Regina. Hopefully she's awake by now, I've got to see her. All this, it's happening again and it must be killing her. I get myself and Neal changed, get his diaper packed and leave a note for David before heading to the hospital.

I walk towards Regina's room and find Henry outside in the waiting area. "Hey Grandma," he acknowledges me, his gaze set on Regina and Emma. "My mom wanted to speak to Emma, it looks important." I nod and take Neal out the buggy and sit next to Henry.

We can see Emma turning to leave, she opens the door to Regina's room and Henry rushes in, jumping into the bed, next to his mother. Henry whispers something into her ear and we could see the slight curve of Regina's mouth as she turns to kiss Henry's cheek. Looking in to such an intimate moment between mother and son makes both Emma and myself smile.

"Get over here," Regina says, followed by a sassy, "and stop loitering round the hallway." All I can do is laugh and shake my head. "Regina, only you could be this witty after something like this."

We begin to talk about nothing really, avoiding the main issues, all of us knowing that bringing up Robin or her accident would most likely get us all kicked out of her room. Neal begins to fuss, waking from his sleep. I do what I can to calm him down but nothings working. "Err, may I?" Regina asks, her arms reaching out for my baby boy. I nod and she takes hold of him, placing him against her chest, allowing him to get comfortable and the rocks him back and forth. His fussing stops and one of his arms moves off of her chest and into her hair, he's nuzzling his face against her neck. "There we go," she utters calmly, "all that fuss for no reason." She whispers to him, her eyes looking into his. "How did you..?" I ask, shocked that Neal is so quick to calm down with her, "he's never like this for us." She looks to me and states, "he's a little attention seeker, aren't you baby," she gently strokes his cheek causing a little twitch in his nose. She chuckles slightly, "and it's just practise, you'll get used to his different sounds." This is the Regina I knew before my dad died. A kind, loving and generous woman who would do anything I asked and would look after me when I was ill.

I hold out my arms for Neal and Regina goes to give him to me, but we're met with a loud cry from him, making us aware that he's more than happy in Regina's arms.

A knock on the door caused us all to look towards the door, finding Robin and Roland waiting. Roland wiggling in his fathers grip, waving at Regina. "Do you want us to stay?" I ask, knowing she's going to let them if because of Roland. She shakes her head, but Henry protests, "No mom I'm staying, I don't care if …" She turns to Henry and says "Henry, you don't need to protect me." He shakes his head vigorously, asserting "If I had come home with you last night, you wouldn't be in here!" Her free hand caresses his cheek, "please Henry!" he nods and lets it go. "Good boy," she says as she kisses the side of his temple, he hugs her tightly in return, only to be obstructed by Neal. I take Neal and tell her we'll be outside if she needs us.

…..

Robin enters my room and puts Roland down. "Gina!" Roland runs straight to me holding out his arms for me to lift him onto the bed. Robin lifts him onto the hospital bed and he gets himself comfortable, leaning against me. "How are you?" Robin asks quietly, his hands reach my face, fingers stroking my cheeks. My face moves into his touch and I kiss his wrist. "You gave me quite the scare."

"Gina, you feeling better?" We turned our attention to Roland, "Papa says you were hurt?" he looks up at me with a worried expression on his face. I take him into my lap, his arms locking around my neck. "I was hurt," I tell him, I rub our noses together, giving him an eskimo kiss, "but I'm better now." "I called for you Gina, I called for you last night, but you nevfer came." He started to cry a little, "you always came in the 'chanted forest. You promsised you would." His little mistakes with certain words he can't say makes me smile. "Hey little knight," he looks straight into my eyes, "I'm sorry I wasn't there, but things will be a little different now." He looks so confused and questions my words. "Ro, your mama's back, so you'll be spending time with her and you can cuddle her when you wake at night." He shakes his little head, "no, I want you." I look to Robin, my cheeks showing a slight blush. Roland hugs me, tightening his little arms around my neck and I wrap my arms around him, rubbing his back, getting him to settle down.

"When you left the diner yesterday, he thought you were leaving him," Robin mentioned, "he thought he had done something wrong." He brings the chair next to my bed towards me, "Regina, I'm sorry." I shiver as his hand touches my back, "No, you have no reason to be, I'm sorry Robin. There's something you should know…" I pause, not sure if I should tell him, but I know it's best if I was honest with him. "Emma found Marian in my dungeons, she was to be executed by my command. It's all my fault, Ro grew up without his mother because of me," I whispered, a few tears rolling down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry Robin, finding out that I caused you pain, I'll never forgive myself, I…" he silences me with a kiss, a sweet kiss that confuses me beyond belief. Why isn't he angry at me, why isn't he yelling at me? "I don't understand, surely you wouldn't want anything to do with me now that you know." "Marian told me after you left the diner, but that changes nothing." I look at him with such disbelief, "how can you say that?!" "I love you, nothing will change that. But you should know that when Marian died before, it was because of me. I made a mistake during one of our missions and she paid the price, it wasn't because of you." I was ever so slightly relived, so Emma and Hook going back in time must have changed the timeline instantly. "This changes nothing Robin, you have your wife back, I won't get in the way." Both our eyes fill with tears, "don't do this Gina." "I love you Robin, but I won't break up your family Robin." He holds me head in hands, forcing our foreheads to press against each other, he's careful not to disturb a sleeping Roland. "What about Roland?" he sniffles. "We'll sort something out, if Marian is agreeable." He nods and kisses me again on the lips, I open my mouth allowing him entrance, both our tongues fight for dominance. I let out a moan as his fingers reach behind my ear, his finger lightly massages the spot behind my ear, making me weak. I pull back, my lips leave his and he groans slightly, disappointed by the lack of contact. I keep his face close to mine, and sigh, "you should go." I give him once last kiss on his lips and pull back, I kiss Roland on his forehead before letting Robin take him. "I'll see you around, my thief," I wipe the tears off my cheeks. "Definitely, mi'lady."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"_Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." __– Dr. Seuss_

…..

I'm finally out of hospital, with a lot of persuading on my part. Having had to make a deal with Whale that Emma and Tink can stay with me until I'm back on my feet. The arse has put me on bed rest, he's evidently forgotten that I have a town to run. Since my talk with Robin at the hospital, I've not seen him, but he must have spoken to Marian because Roland has been visiting me everyday, with Little John escorting him. I'm sure the novelty will soon wear off.

With the compromise I made to get of hospital, Emma, Tink and Henry have decided to move half their belongings into my home. Things are still tense with Emma, she's only staying with me because Henry asked. I understand that she wanted to save Marian, but for her to think I would let her take Henry away from me and go back to New York was another thing. I have no idea if she's spoken to Henry, but this time I will get the lawyers involved if she takes him. She's been warned.

Sitting on this sofa watching all the chaos that Emma, Tink and Henry moving in brings is driving me insane. I can't use my magic, it'll drain me out and I don't want another reason to be back in hospital. So I'll be suffering in silence at the thought of my home being turned upside down for the week or so.

A load ringing from my phone gets my attention, 1pm, 'Meds' marked on my alarm. As I start to get up of the sofa, Tink comes over with a glass of water and my medication in her hand. "You're not serious!" she just smiles at me, handing me the medication and the water. "So I can't even walk across the room to get anything?!" She sighs heavily, both of us knowing that it's going to be difficult to get used to this situation. "You heard Dr. Whale mom, he's put you on bed rest because you discharged yourself early." It's going to be a long week!

Dinggg! The doorbells ringing and there's a continuous knock on the door. Today's not going to be restful.

…..

We run into the Princess and baby Neal at Granny's this morning, I ask after Regina and thankfully she's well and she's leaving the hospital today. "When?" Roland asks, with a massive smile on his face. I look at Snow and I decide that we should leave, "when is Gina coming home?" Snow crouches down towards Roland, playing with his hair she says to him, "midday sweetheart, she'll be back midday." Roland face is full of joy after hearing this news. I take him back to the camp and he runs towards Little John and Marian shouting, "guess what?! Guess guess!" Marian picks him up, "what darling?" I look towards John as he answers her. "Gina's coming home today and Papa's taking me to see her." We are all silent, I look at Marian and John and see Marian breathing in deeply as she looks at me. "Isn't John taking you?" Roland shakes his head. "Uncle John's taken me loads already, its Papa's turn," I have no way of getting out of this one. I'm totally screwed.

"How long till midday?" Roland asks no one in particular. "Four hours. Why?" John asks him. "Gina comes home at midday, Snow told me." "Come with me little man, lets go and play." John takes him off into the woods with the rest of the men, leaving me and Marian to talk.

"I don't know where he got the idea I was taking him to see Regina, he didn't even mention it until we got back," this is so awkward, I can't imagine what it must be like for her though. Ever since she's been back, Roland's been asking for Regina, he talks to Marian about the things he and Regina got up to back in the Enchanted Forest. "Its fine Robin, will you take him to see her?" I shrug, I don't have a clue what to do. I haven't seen Regina since taking Roland to the hospital. "I'll see what Roland says before we leave, I'll see if I can persuade him to let John or Tuck escort him." I rub her shoulder lightly and give her an encouraging smile, she stands up and walks away to find Roland, leaving me to sit with my thoughts.

Midday arrives and Roland comes up to me, "will you take me to see Gina now?" "Buddy, lets give it an hour, so she can rest and then John can take you, okay." He nods assuring me that it's okay to wait another hour, "you're taking me Papa, not Uncle John." So when the time comes, I attempt to get John to take him but Roland doesn't budge, he'll only go with me.

We arrive at her manor and Roland lets go of my hand and runs up to the door and knocks widely. I ring the doorbell and try to get Roland to stop the knocking but he wont. On the way, we've picked up some flowers from the woods so he can give them to Regina. The door opens and Roland looks up, finding its Tinkerbelle that opened the door he asks, "where's Gina?" Tink smiles at him and tells him Regina is siting on the sofa, without a seconds thought he runs into the house screaming "Gina!"

…..

I turn around as I hear his voice, "hey there little knight!" He bounces in front of me and I lift him up onto the sofa and he wiggles his way into my lap, "Papa came too!" I look up and see Robin, he walks over to us and hands me a bunch of wild flowers, "we picked them for you Gina." Roland looks up at me and I kiss his temple. "Thank you, we'll have to find a vase so we can put them in here."

Emma and Henry come downstairs and sit with us, "Henry, can you get a vase and put these in there please," he goes into the kitchen, "and there's scissors in the draw under the hob." An awkward silence that sits between us, Roland is oblivious to it, "full house huh?" Robin asks with a cheeky grin on his face, he's showing his loveable dimples. "She didn't have a choice," Tink replied, confusion spread across his face. "It was either stay in hospital until she regains her strength or we stay here with her to help out," Emma states, "I guess we're the lesser of the two evils." Henry comes back into the room with the vase filled with the flowers and a smile appears on my face, reaching my eyes. They really are beautiful even if they're simple, and wild flowers just smell better, fresher. "Thank you for my flowers Ro, they are lovely," he turns his body round to face me, my arms wrap around his little waist. "It was my idea, Papa helped me pick the bestest ones for you. He said you have to pick the bestest flowers for the prettiest queen." I can feel my cheeks turning red and my throat clamming up. I clear my throat, "right Papa," he turns his head to look to Robin for assurance and my eyes follow. I'm dying inside, seeing him again but not being able to do anything about it is killing me. This is how it's going to be from now on, having to hide our feelings for each other because his wife is back.

Another, awkward silence settles in the room until Emma stands up, "Tink, Henry, don't you guys have some packing to sort out," I sigh in relief that one of us has our head screwed on properly. "I'm sure Regina doesn't want a mess in the house while we're staying here," Tink and Henry are both reluctant to leave.

Once they've left the room, Robin moves to sit next to me and Roland. "How are you Gina?" He holds his hand out for mine and I take it, "I am well." He laughs at me, "what?" I question. He shakes his head at me, "you can never lie to me, even when we first met." I squeeze his hand slightly, "I'm tired and weak, and it'll pass. How are things at the camp? How is Marian settling down?" We can hear shuffling upstairs, "everything is good at the camp, you don't have to ask about Marian, we don't need to talk about her, I understand." He's so gentle, so kind-hearted, it makes me love him even more, I know he doesn't want to see me suffer.

"Gina, are we gonna have another sleepover soon?" I sigh loudly, stumped by what he says. "You'll have to ask you're mum and dad?" He faces Robin, "Will mama let you and me have a sleepover here?" This time we're both shocked at what he asks, he's too young to understand what's going on between me and Robin, "Ro, you can stay here for a sleepover, but I don't think your Papa can stay, Henry will be here," I'm trying to make this easier for him, but his face looks broken. "But it was fun with me, you and Papa. 'member we made smores, we had ice cream in bed and we gots to sleep in your big bed." Robin and I just stare at each other and he tries to explain again that he can do that stuff again, but this time with me and Henry. "Why not with Papa? Has he been naughty?" as soon as he finishes that sentence I laugh. "No he hasn't, he just has to look after your mama now she's back." This little boy questions everything we say, "don't you love Papa anymore?" Tears form in my eyes as I reply, "I do, but your mama's back Ro, so that means your Papa has to look after her now." Robin looks at me but I avoid his gaze, "but who will look after you?" Roland asks once more. "You and Henry. You are my little knight aren't you," he smiles and quickly agrees. "You should go back home, I bet your mama's missing you," I don't want them to go, but I can't deal with this if Robin's here, I wont breakdown in front of him. "I don't wanna go, I wanna stay with Gina," he says to his dad. "How about we have ice cream before you go home?" I ask him, he's eager for sweets just like any other child his age. "Okay baby, you play here and me and your dad will get the ice cream"

Robin follows me into the kitchen, "I'm sorry he put you in that position Regina."

"He doesn't understand what's going on between us Robin, you don't have to be sorry about that. He has to get used to Marian being around." I can hear Robin sign as I take the chocolate ice cream and a black cherry ice out of the freezer.

"He doesn't go her like he does with you, he calls her Mama because that's what we've told him. But the person he thinks of as a mother is you Gina. He calls for you when he wakes at night, when he's hurt and I can see it hurts Marian, but that doesn't mean I'll stop Ro from seeing you." I scoop the ice cream into the bowls and slice some strawberries for Roland. "I guess I have to put some distance between myself and him, I'll talk to him." I grab some spoons and take the Roland's bowl of ice cream whilst Robin carries the rest. "You don't have to," he murmurs. "I do, because of me he doesn't know his mother, because of me he wont give her a chance."

Roland sits on the floor as he eats the ice cream, "Ro, I need to tell you something." He looks up at me in an instant, noticing the change of tone in my voice. "You can't see me for a few days Ro," he stops eating the ice cream and looks up at me and Robin. "Is it because I've been naughty, because I promise I'll be good, I'll even eat those green things that I don't like." I feel like I've broken is little heart, he looks so upset, "no baby, you've been such a good boy. I have to get better and you need to spend some time with your mama." A simple "promise?" leaves his lips, "promise you wont leave me?" I shuffle towards him and take his face in my hands, "I promise," he smiles as I kiss his forehead, then his little dimpled cheeks, "I love you Ro." He hugs me hard, "I love you too Gina," tears fall down my face, nothing can stop them, "if you need anything Ro, tell your Papa and he will tell me okay, anything."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"_A secret's worth depends on the people from whom it must be kept." – Carlos Ruiz Zafron, The Shadow of the Wind _

…..

I pull my Bug up, outside the hospital. Henry and me are here with Regina for her follow-up appointment, although we've both been told that we're not allowed into the room when she sees Dr Whale. We've had to endure Henry constantly nagging Regina into letting him come with her, she nearly snapped, I could see the frustration building up, she finally let out a "Henry! Please!" She's keeping something from us and whatever it is isn't good.

Regina's face suddenly turns pale and she stares into space, completely unaware of me and Henry. Henry nudges her slightly, trying to rouse her, she somewhat responds, but she leaves the car immediately and retches on the pavement outside the hospital. "Thank God we're at the hospital," I mutter, while Henry cries out, "Mom!"

"Get Whale!" is all Regina manages to say through heavy breaths. Henry runs into the hospital to find the doc, leaving me with Regina. My hand's on her back slowly rubbing circles, helping her to relax. "What's going on Regina?" she shakes her head slightly, "what are you hiding?" she clears her throat and tries to stand, her knees give way and I catch her just before she lands in her own vomit, "nice save Emma." Thankfully Henry comes back with Whale and a wheelchair.

"No, I won't sit, I'm not an invalid," she refuses point blank to get into the wheelchair. "I should've seen this coming, she's been getting tired and weak so easily," explaining myself to Whale. I knew something was wrong but I ignored the signs. Whale looks at Regina and picks her up in his arms and carries her into the hospital, to a private room, she's whining the whole time, kicking her legs against him like a toddler throws a tantrum. Once she's on the bed, he shuts the door behind him and closes all the blinds.

…..

A nurse attempts to follow us into the private room, until I hear a soft "No" from Regina. I turn my head slightly and tell her to leave, "we are not to be disturbed, by anyone."

I place her onto the bed and shut the blinds to the room, she wouldn't want anyone to see this. Before she left the hospital she found out she was pregnant.

_1 week ago…_

"_I need to speak to Regina privately please," everyone leaves the room, Henry more reluctant to leave his mother's side. "I think I should stay," Regina just shakes her head. "No Henry, I can't say this in front of you," I reply quietly, "and your mom wouldn't want me to either."_

_Once he leaves Regina asks, "what did you find?" I look directly into her eyes, an uncomfortable conversation heading our way. "You're pregnant," her head snaps up quickly, looking extremely shocked by the news. "I didn't even think I could get pregnant," she whispers, "are you doing an ultrasound today?" _

_I nod my head turning to the machine, "we're doing it now, I want to see how the baby's doing." I undo the gown slightly, exposing her stomach, "the gel is cold," I tell her and apply it onto her lower abdomen. I hear a slight hiss as the gel falls onto her and feel her shiver. I place the transducer against the gel on her stomach and move it around to find her baby. "There it is," I point to the screen, Regina looks ahead and gasps. "Is it okay?" I make the measurements, "you're about 7 weeks along, you wanna hear the heartbeat?" she nods heartily, her eyes lighting up at the words. I place the Doppler probe on the stomach again and turn the sound on, nothing comes out. I press slightly harder against her abdomen again and move it slightly, there's nothing. _

"_There's no sound," she states. I hesitate to answer, this isn't the news I wanted to give her. "Regina," I turn to face her, my features solemn, "there is no heartbeat." Her faces falls, her eyes that had been lighting up, glistened with tears. "It's gone?" she murmurs quietly and I nod my head, I can't speak. "Why? How?" I grab her, rubbing small circles on it with my thumb. "It's possible that… Regina, with everything you've been through, all the physical trauma, it takes its toll, baby's are strong, but they can only handle so much." She nods slightly, tears falling down her face. "I should get Tinkerbelle or Emma," I begin to stand, "No! No," she repeats it over and over again, I stay with her, holding her hand "no one can find out!" she doesn't need to tell me twice._

_Her hand is placed on her chest, gripping the gown that covers her, her back is bent slightly forward as the tears fall from her eyes, rolling down her face. I rub her back, trying to get her to relax. "We need to talk about the next step Regina," she looks up at me, her face wrought with sorrow and confusion. She manages to sit upright and calms down slightly. "We can remove the foetus through D&C or you can wait for it to be delivered naturally," more tears run down her cheeks, her hand leaving her chest and presses roughly against her forehead, pulling at her hair. She chooses to ignore me, "the earlier we sort this out, the better Regina." She turns her head towards me quickly and spits out, "better for who?! My baby's dead! And you want me to make that kind of decision now!" _

"_Are you going to tell Robin?" I ask quietly, risky as it may be, I just can't help myself. "No, his wife is back, there's no need for him to know," she gets more agitated and starts to have a panic attack. I rush over to her, "okay, no one will find out, I promise, but you need to decide, give it some time and then you can call me to book an appointment." She nods her head. _

_She made her decision; a few days after she left the hospital I got the call. She wanted the D&C asap. Someone would drop her off, but no one could know what the appointment was for._

"Tinkerbelle is the scrub nurse helping with the procedure," I tell her as she gets into the gown. She looks straight at me with her death stare, "I told you not to tell anyone."

"I haven't, I've told her I've got a procedure to do and the surgical equipment is ready, she doesn't know its you." Regina turns around after she's ready, "she'll find out when she sees me on the table." I help her back onto the bed and I hook her up to the monitor checking her vitals. "You trust her," a simple answer that makes Regina think for a second, "you go be in theatre in and hour."

…..

I wake up in a haze, I can make out brown hair and a slightly blurred face hovering over me. I groan and try to sit up, "ahh!" I feel a sharp pain across pain stomach. I remember I'm in hospital, I've just had surgery, "Mom, finally, you're awake!" I remember I didn't want to be awake for the procedure, that's not something I ever want to see.

"I'll go find Whale," Emma goes leaving me with Henry. "How long do you think you'll be in hospital for?" I let him know that it should only be for a few days, as long as I'm recovering well. "Henry you don't have worry about me," he holds onto my hand and squeezes it tightly. "You think you're protecting me by not telling me stuff, but mom, you told us this was an appointment, not an operation!" just as he finishes his high pitched rant, Emma comes in with Tink and Whale.

"Come on kid, lets leave them to it," he shakes his head in response to Emma, he stays put and tightly links his fingers with mine. I've forgotten how much he's grown up, also of how protective he's become of me recently. "I'll be fine Henry. I'm not going anywhere," he hugs me before leaving the room.

"How are you feeling?" Whale asks. "How do you think?!" I spit at him tears forming in my eyes. I take a deep breath and calm myself down, "how did it go?" He puts his hand up and shakes his head, ignoring the comment I made before hand. "It went as well as it could go," I've been ignoring their gazes since they came into the room, but this time I had no choice but to make eye contact. "We're just going to do your obs and check the scar tissue," he comes over and opens the robe and gets me to place my legs on stirrups.

"It looks good, it's healing well, I'll prescribe you some pain relief. I'll leave you to it," Whale said before he left, leaving an awkward silence in the room. "How's the pain?" Tink was the first to break the silence. "It's okay, a little sore though," she reties the gown I was wearing and I pull the blanket higher up to cover my body. "You'll have to be careful of any sudden movements, no strenuous activities for a few weeks and you'll be on bed rest for the next week, depending on your recovery," she sits beside me and places her hand on my shoulder.

"I wish you said something to me Regina, I could've been there for you" I close my eyes and attempt to block out her voice, "I'm your friend Regina and I want you to be able to tell me anything!" I can't hold it together anymore, tears flow down my face and I shake uncontrollably, she moves closer to me and wraps her arms around me, bringing me into a hug. "My baby…" I whisper as I sob, "she's gone." I feel her hand rubbing circles on my back, soothing me, calming me down, "you're not alone Regina, I'm here for you, whenever you need me, but it's not me you want is it," she states so easily, she looks at me and says, "you want Robin."

I carry on crying, still in the hold she has me in until I have no tears left, it is a comfort to know that she wants to help me. It seems like such a long time ago that anyone even considered trying to help me. I feel slightly embarrassed that she's seen me in this state. She knows not to say anything to anyone about the baby, I know I can trust her. She's one of the few people who's never betrayed my trust, she's one of the few who have helped me, and seen the who I truly am. And I suddenly realize how lucky I am to have someone like her in my life. Someone I can call a friend.


End file.
